Winning friends and influencing people is, quite simply, the single most important thing that you can do to excel in your Personal and Professional Life.
If you are striving to transform interpersonal business relationships and improve personal performance, this is for you!
1 Find people with (unusual) interests in common and do not overcriticize.
Are you struggling to find peers to practice your language or some interpersonal skills? Maybe you are looking for them at the wrong place! I've seen it over and over. People want to improve as learners but just by talking about English. Do you understand how boring it can be to have the same chat everyday? Every minute? There are so many things one can be talking about... life after death, Area 51, Fine Arts, sports. Why don't you pick one of your most unusual interests and go talking to someone about it? There are plenty of pages, forums, chats and so for any kind of topic that springs to one's mind. I know, I know... We tend to use social media to let off steam with total strangers but it is not much appealing, truth be told. Whenever you approach someone new, try to talk about things you like rather than complaining about something. And at all costs, avoid criticizing someone's looks, appearence or skills. Nobody would be comfortable around you if they can be victims of your mean remarks.
2 Listen
Once I was taught that the most obvious things should be told if you do not want them to be forgotten, so here we are! People rambling on and on and on about themselves...tell me it is not something you also witness! Just do not be this kind of person! Allow others to speak, even better if you can nod and offer them a smile. Try to ask them questions! Start every sentence with things like "I am wondering what you think of..." or "I wanted to know if you..." and see how pleased people will feel to FINALLY have the opportunity to ACTUALLY talk!
3 Be attentive
I know it counts as listening, but pay attention to a couple of specific details such as the person's name, professions, hobbies, favorite movie, last trip... this will not only show how thoughtful and considerate you are but also guide you to your next hot topic for a chat! And do so sincerely: realize the things both parts like to talk about so you can lead a conversation more easily. Refering to previous talks makes other people feel understood and important to you and if they are nice people, they tag along and start to do the same. Compliment them, support them and they all stand by your side.
4 Go Freudian! Explore human psyche.
Identification is an unconscious mental process by which someone makes part of their personality conform to the personality of another, who serves as a model. Described cursorily by Freud in the context of psychopathology, it refers to a principal mode of relating to others. Whether Freud is right or not about our early stages of bonding, we can easily observe a phenomenum in human beings: we are prone to copy either counsciously or not the ones who we trully love and look up to. Once you know that, you can use the artifice of "imitation", to make others like you! But be allert! If you are caught red-handed, you can damage the relationship you are trying to build...irreversibly. You can try to follow the person's pace, cross your legs like he or she does, use the same verbs or adverbs and so on. Again, be cautious! This artifice is way too powerful and can backfire if you do it too artificially or overuse it.
5 Be outspoken!
People like those whon are fierce and blunt. Of course you can balance speaking your mind and being considerate to others. No need to be rude while stating your opinion about something (and I suppose you are already following the other hints by the time you get here), but too much diplomacy can be unwanted as you would not be trusting material. If you are open minded and understand the mere fact you cannot possibly be right all the time, not ommiting certain controversies or speaking frankly can top your captivating personality with a cherry.
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